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Tuesday, June 30, 2009


(If I were a more savvy blogger, I would link JM's song to this post...or something.)
Living in a town like Williamsburg for 3 years certainly has its perks, but one thing I do NOT miss is driving 20 miles to buy paper towels. Unless I want to waaaay over spend.
On Sunday morning, Dameon and I drove around trying to decide if we should get McDonald's breakfast or Burger King's. I got so excited about all the conveniences the "city" has to offer. I kept exclaiming, "Oooh! Bed, Bath, and Beyond!...Oooh! Gordman's!....Ooooh! Sonic!"
So yesterday I made my first solo venture into the city. We decided I should head to Super Target to get the groceries while Dameon went to the school to check in on the drumline rehearsal. I was about to make 3 very major mistakes.
1.) Cart Selection
Don't ask me how, but I managed to select a shopping cart that was literally ELECTRICALLY CHARGED. No joke, this cart honestly shocked me all the way through the store. Like 5 times per aisle, people. It didn't matter where my skin made contact on the dumb thing, it would shock me. And not even at the point of contact! I would just be holding on and suddenly...SHOCK! It hurt so bad that sometimes I couldn't help but audibly say "OW!" My first attempt at a solution was to keep my focus on not allowing my hands to touch any part of the metal. Just keep my little fingers perched on the red plastic-covered part of the handle. No luck. I finally resorted to giving the cart little shoves and then catching up to it as I made my way down the aisles. Good thing I don't know anyone here!! I considered reporting the issue to the cashier, but knew I'd regret it. My fingers were honestly numb by that point.
2.) Placing large items UNDER the cart
Now when you shop at Target, you of course have to load your bagged purchases back into the blasted cart and make your own way out to your car. I had really loaded up on groceries, so I decided it made the most sense to put my gallon of green tea and my bag of potatoes under the cart. As I "shoved and chased" my cart about half way out into the parking lot I heard this horn repeatedly honking somewhere behind me. Again, I think to myself "I don't know anyone here and surely if my husband has somehow tracked me down, he would know better than to get my attention by blaring his horn." I decide it's in my best interest NOT to turn around. I proceed to shove and chase. The next thing I know, a big SUV has pulled up beside me. A woman rolls down the window and says, "Ma'am!" I look at her. She says, "I think you dropped your juice back there." And sure enough, all the way back near the exit is my gallon of Green Tea AND my bag of potatoes ripped wide open setting in the middle of the lot. ARGH! Thank the lady. Shove and chase back to the fallen items. Next comes classic mistake #3.
3.) Parking space choice
When I had initially arrived at Target, I had pulled into a parking space and then realized the space directly in front of me was empty. I decided to pull on through so I could kinda even myself out a little. Yes, I was driving the Sweet Sable which to me feels like a cross between a pontoon and a conversion van. I pulled through but not quite far enough, which meant my front end wasn't sticking out enough for me to be able to spot it. Yep, you guessed it. Can't find the dumb car ANYWHERE! I'm pretty good at pulling off the "I know exactly where I'm headed" face and body language while my sunglass-covered eyes are scanning the parking lot at a feverish rate. Finally I found her, quickly loaded my groceries into the trunk, kicked the cart back to the cart corral, and headed home.
Phew! better luck next time...


The Blackley Tribe said...

Oh Lindsay, I miss your sense of humor already...and I know Jason is just going to bust his gut reading this! That being said, I am so glad you are in a CITY, and that you can buy paper towels as you please. We are excited for you guys...maybe even more excited than you are ;)

*a* said...

Maybe next time you go to Target you should wear rubber gloves. They would probably help with the shockage.